Yesterday was “one of those days.” So was the day before. So was today.
I know we all have them. Some days your kids are just crazy, you’re just tired, there’s just too much to do, you’re just out of dairy-free groceries, you’re just sick of rice, she’s just having a really fussy day today, it’s just been a lot of church meetings this month, and you just need a break. Really, it happens. But lately (cue the melodramatic because “lately” = this week) I’ve felt like I’ve had more of “those” days than good days, which is not ok with me. When I’m having one of “those” days I tend to get in one of “those” moods, and that is not at all how I want to respond.
I never thought I’d yell at my kids. It’s not my go-to response, thankfully. But lately (= this week) I’ve been yelling a lot more than necessary. In my opinion the necessary times are 1) danger and 2) danger. Any time I was yelled at as a kid I don’t even remember what was said, but I do remember how horrified I was. So a “yelling mom” is not at all how I envisioned myself, and also not at all ok with me. But this week OHMYWORD I’ve just been so frustrated. Malachi must realize he’s turning 2 in five days and feel the need to live up to the stereotype because good. freaking. grief. If he’s not jumping on the couch, booking it out the front door, or feeding his food to the dog he’s probably smacking his sister, opening pill bottles, or pouring sand on the floor. Or whining. Always whining.
But to be honest, sometimes he really is just playing with his toys or running around being 2 and doing nothing wrong. I mean good grief – he was an only child for 22 months and what a HUGE adjustment. But because I’ve been so frustrated with the defiant things he’s done, I tend to get frustrated with other normal things, and that’s not fair.
Last night I explained all of this to my husband and asked him to pray for me, which he did. I sat and thought about how I couldn’t just have “one of those days” seven days in a row. How I was responsible for my response and how much my response could affect my son’s behavior. And also I thought about how overwhelmed I was getting with my ESL ministry starting back up and having two kids and trying to garden and planning birthdays and gifts and there was just too much going on and all I want to do is take a hot bath and read my magazine!
And then this came in my blog reader, and it was like God said, “I get it. I hear every single thought you are thinking and I understand every single feeling you are feeling and it’s ok. We’re gonna get through it.”
And today when Malachi repeated “cookie” 784798654 times in the grocery store until we got the free one, and then again until we left, and then when he kept sliding his plate across the table and I had to take him out of the restaurant for a time-out, and then when he screamed bloody murder and woke up his finally-asleep sister I handled it better. Not great. Not perfect. But better. And then when he and his sister both fell asleep on the way home I looked in my rear-view mirror and smiled because I am so. incredibly. blessed.