You know the ones where all the people who are going to interfere in your day sit down with you for a morning meeting and prepare you? And someone always says, “Good thing I had my orange juice!” and then they just go out and handle it? As if orange juice can honestly prepare anyone for getting towed, tripped, spat on, whatever. Anyway, I wish those commercials were real. If so, mine for today would have looked something like this.
At 9:00 a.m. you will find your son on top of his sister. She will scream in a way that terrifies you but she is fine. Remove your son and explain the no-sitting-on-other-small-humans rule. Don’t freak out.
At 10:00 a.m. you will find your son on top of the dining room table. Remove him, tell him no, push the chair back in, and move on. Don’t freak out.
At 12:00 p.m. your son will start saying “uh-oh” with every. single. bite. of his lunch. It will be excruciatingly annoying. Your daughter will also be crying. Take a deep breath, hold your daughter, sing songs to your son to distract him, and get through it.
At 1:30 p.m. when you sit down to do some work, your daughter will begin crying. Nothing will stop her. You will need to cancel your afternoon. Cancel it, take care of your daughter, and move on.
At 4:00 p.m. your daughter will begin screaming bloody murder five minutes after you finally get her to sleep. Your son will run into the room screaming “uh-oh!” He is trying to help. Do NOT get annoyed with him. Do NOT jump up and down saying “Stop saying uh-oh please!” If you do, you will shock him, he will not understand why he is in trouble for trying to help, and you will feel like a jerk.
At 9:00 p.m. when you get home, the baby will fall asleep in your husband’s arms and you will go look at your sleeping son. You will be exhausted. You’ll still be a little nauseous. You’ll be aching for alone time and baby cuddles and sleep all at once. You will wish you could go back and re-do your day. And you will realize that even though orange juice commercials aren’t real and you can’t prepare yourself for the day ahead and you can’t undo the crap you did, you CAN take a deep breath, say a prayer, go to sleep, and start over tomorrow with a clean slate, ever-forgiving children, and His strength in your weakness.