An Ode to the Nasty

Things in my house have been all sparkly* and pleasant** lately.  If you are squeamish look away and don’t come back til the next post.  And I realize that this isn’t technically a mommy blog which means I don’t technically have an excuse to talk about poop, but I make the rules around here.

*sparkly = slimy
**pleasant = gag-inducing

Naomi was sitting up whilst being burped the other day (week? minute? It all runs together) with half her teeny-tiny butt on the boppy pillow and half on my stomach.  While waiting for her to burp, I felt something very, very warm and suspicious seeping through all (ALL) my clothes and onto my skin.  I checked and yes.  Yes it was.  Now what?  I held the boppy in place with one arm, picked Naomi up with another, walked to the changing table and pushed everything out of the way with another and no I don’t know where the third arm came from.  Then I dropped Naomi on the table, walked to the laundry room, unzipped the boppy cover and threw it and the pillow in the washing machine, rolled up my shirt, carefully walked through the house to shut the blinds in the dining room, came back, took off every stitch of clothing, threw them all in the washer, came up for breath….  Then I stripped Naomi, wiped down the changing table, changed her diaper, wiped down the table again, THEN put clothes on me, then her, and while all this was happening she puked all over her face/neck/hair.

Malachi’s iron is low again (joyjoyjoy) and thus he is on iron supplements.  He does the numero dos about 4 times a day, always while Jeremy is at work, and I could draw more comparisons between his diapers and tar than you want to hear so I won’t.

Image

Yesterday Malachi was walking through the house saying “Uh-oh” with his hand stretched out in front of him and when I went to investigate what minuscule speck of dirt my very-OCD child had on his hand I discovered that lo and behold – it was not dirt that was bothering him but snot, stretched between his two fingers because he had apparently stuck BOTH up his nose.

And today when Naomi puked all over herself 2 minutes after being dressed in the cutest of outfits, I told my Mom not to change her because she looked so cute and she pukes 4 or 5 times a day anyways and it would dry.  I know this because sometimes I re-wear jeans that already have dried spit-up on them because my belly only fits into 2 pairs of jeans at the moment.

So in case you had any doubt at all, yes.  Having a child is wonderful and worth it and blah blah blah and you know this because I am the mushy type but anytime someone picks up my girl and says “I love that new baby smell” I smirk and say “You have NO idea.”

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2 thoughts on “An Ode to the Nasty

  1. Pingback: 7QT F-F-F-F-Friday | authenticisms

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