So, why did I ever congratulate Naomi on her bruiselessness? Between her and her brother we are big family of mess this week. Naomi has a scrape on her forehead, a scrape on her chin, and a bruise on her cheek – her CHEEK – that is of unknown origin. Malachi literally ran face-first into the corner of a cabinet the other day and welted his forehead. He later pinched his fingers, and then yesterday he fell off the toilet onto his face and busted his lip. It’s ok if you laugh – I did. Behind his back, while I was calming him down. Want some photo evidence?
I’m just gonna go out on a limb here and guess that they won’t make it through childhood without breaking or stitching anything, like their parents did. Lord help me.
So I apologize in advance for the boringness that is the following segment. I promise, this is actually a thing. I’m not being ridiculously self-indulgent in a vacuum – others are as weird as me! Plus I mostly did this for myself, and then decided to put it on here for all the “world” to see because I’m fresh out of blog material and this is as good as it gets. So without further ado, 24 hours in the life of yours truly.
11:30 – Go to bed.
12:15 – Naomi wakes up. Try to calm her down. Nurse. Go lay in bed awake while she whines herself back to sleep.
12:50 – Go back to sleep.
5:35 – Malachi wakes up. I go turn off his light and tell him to go back to sleep.
5:36 – Lay in bed awake for an hour.
6:35 – Browse the iPod essentials (Words with Friends, Facebook, e-mail) with super-squinted eyes to try to wake myself up.
6:55 – Realize I’m never going to wake up. Give up.
6:56 – Prayer journal.
7:18 – Retrieve crying Naomi from her pack n play in the bathroom. Change her nasty diaper.
7:21 – Nurse while doing Scripture reading.
7:36 – Jeremy has gotten Malachi up. Brush teeth with Malachi.
7:41 – Dress kids.
7:54 – Hear Malachi say “Kiwi apple cereal!” yet again. Realize he’s had fruit and cereal for breakfast every day since Naomi was born. Feel guilty. Start making cinnamon toast.
8:00 – Say bye to Jeremy.
8:03 – Give Naomi a teething cracker to stop her crying til I can get her breakfast ready.
8:05 – Run the length of the house and catch Malachi before he goes outside.
8:08 – Start coffee.
8:09 – Get ready to start blending Naomi’s breakfast, then realize her mango isn’t ripe.
8:11 – Add “baby breakfast food” to the grocery list. Go grab jarred food out of cabinet.
8:12 – Remember I made some homemade breakfast food yesterday. Warm it up. While it’s warming, fix my coffee and finish making Malachi’s breakfast.
8:20 – Naomi and I sit down to eat.
8:21 – Realize both kids love their breakfast. Feel awesome.
8:24 – Have a hot flash. Go turn down heat.
8:33 – Start to clean the kitchen.
8:38 – Malachi has to potty. Take him to the bathroom.
8:39 – Malachi falls off toilet and busts his lip open. Deal with that.
8:44 – Change Naomi. Another nasty.
8:48 – Read Malachi a story.
8:53 – Try to clean the kitchen again.
9:04 – Check on Malachi. He is putting all the dirty laundry and shoes into the washing machine. I am so proud.
9:05 – Hear a “thump” that sounds like Naomi’s head. Listen for a cry (there isn’t one). Hear Malachi say “I sowwy.”
9:14 – Take pictures of the kids and their injuries.
9:18 – Clean the kids’ room.
9:22 – Realize my coffee is cold. Take a break and drink it.
9:31 – Put Naomi down for a nap.
9:41 – Naomi won’t sleep. Put her in pack n play and go make my bed so I can listen through the monitors.
9:47 – Realize Naomi is asleep. Decide to finish cleaning my room first anyways. Realize how OCD this makes me. Don’t care.
9:55 – Malachi also wants to shower. Resign myself to a lukewarm shower and let him in.
10:19 – Text my sister. Browse my iPod.
10:33 – Go start playdough for pre-school.
10:34 – Malachi wants to cook. Give him various kitchen items to play with on the floor.
10:35 – Start playdough again. Freak out that it’s not gonna work. Feel really proud when it does. Notice that all the ingredients are edible. Notice that it smells like chocolate because I dyed it with cocoa powder.
10:45 – Taste playdough. Bad idea.
10:46 – Text Jeremy to tell him that tasting the playdough was a bad idea.
10:47 – Start the next batch of playdough. The novelty has worn off.
11:05 – Naomi woke up. Go get her up.
11:06 – Catch up on Naomi’s baby calendar. Notice how incredibly mobile she gotten in less than a month.
11:36 – Nurse Naomi while looking at auction properties in town and browsing Facebook.
11:44 – Finish nursing Naomi. Put her down.
11:44:02 – False alarm. Nurse again.
11:49 – Change Naomi’s diaper. Poopy AGAIN.
11:52 – Put Malachi in time-out because he refuses to put away his toys. Hear him announce from his timeout corner, “Cry!” because apparently the fake tears weren’t convincing enough.
11:54 – Put Malachi on the potty.
11:55 – Notice several brown spots on his potty seat. Clean them off. Try not to think about it too hard.
11:56 – The lunch saga begins. Decide not to write this down minute for minute because I don’t have time. All eat and sing about what we are eating.
12:35 – Pick Naomi up and stand Malachi on a chair. We all yell into the mirror for a couple minutes. The kids laugh at each other. My ears start ringing.
12:40 – Clean up the kitchen.
12:45 – Playtime with the kids.
1:28 – Tell Malachi it’s time for nap. He announces “pee-pee potty!” It’s a stall.
1:33 – Nap routine for Malachi – diaper, story, prayer, song. Nap routine for Naomi – try to sing while she thrashes, then drop her in the pack n play and let her work it out.
1:49 – Internet time.
1:59 – Turn on a movie and start clipping coupons.
2:22 – Naomi wakes up with gas. Try to get her back to sleep.
2:35 – Give up and bring her out to the living room. Realize there are coupons all over the floor. Drop her in the exersaucer. Resume couponing and movie-watching. Rewind movie every five minutes to hear what I couldn’t hear over Naomi’s frustrated yells.
3:30 – Finally finish clipping. Get Naomi out of exersaucer.
3:40 – Change Naomi’s diaper. Thank her for not pooping.
3:44 – Start perusing ads to plan for grocery shopping.
4:02 – Stop so I can watch the end of the movie.
4:09 – Movie ends. I’m confused. Rewind and watch last five minutes again.
4:12 – Malachi wakes up. Take him to the potty. Play “stinky feet” while he sits there.
4:20 – Start Malachi’s show.
4:23 – Empty all the trash and take out the recycling.
4:28 – Find Naomi halfway up the stairs. Follow her the rest of the way up.
4:29 – Put up the baby gate.
4:30 – Check e-mail.
4:32 – Malachi sees Super Why and yells “Fly! Me fly!” Stop to fly him through the air.
4:33 – Get Malachi more juice.
4:34 – Back to e-mail.
4:47 – Take a break to yell with the kids again. They love it.
4:48 – Read a few blogs.
5:15 – Jeremy comes home.
5:16 – Play with Malachi.
5:20 – Lay on floor in exhaustion.
5:25 – Decide to take a walk. Get kids ready.
5:32 – Get out the door.
5:48 – Get home, get kids dinner ready.
6:05 – Go online to figure out how much Advil Naomi can have before bed.
6:08 – Put Naomi in her PJs.
6:13 – Try to nurse Naomi and put her down early to compensate for her mininap.
6:14 – Nope.
7:00 – Nurse Naomi. Put her to bed.
7:16 – Read a few more blogs.
7:34 – Record our receipts and see if we are on budget.
7:51 – Do couple devotions.
8:00 – Sick Jeremy goes to bed.
8:02 – Sick Allie turns on Downton Abbey. Make grocery list and start matching coupons.
9:00 – Realize I’m only halfway done. Sigh. Start next episode of Downton.
10:00 – Get ready for bed.
10:05 – Get in bed. Play Words with Friends.
10:22 – Pray the kids sleep through the night.
10:23 – Go to sleep.
So that was Monday. The first thing I realized while doing this was, Wow. Those days I feel like I get nothing done – I am wrong. I get a lot done even when I feel like I’m doing nothing. Normally I would have been annoyed that I didn’t get the kitchen floor clean on Monday (I do a daily chore) but after reading this, I realized how ridiculous that is. The second thing I noticed was how small a percentage of that time was rest. I felt guilty the whole time I was sitting and reading blogs because, ugh, I’m wasting time. But that was pretty much the only time I sat down all day without trying to do something else productive at the same time. And the last thing I realized was that this activity totally activated the OCD, type-A, control freak section of my brain, that I got far too much pleasure out of writing down minute details of my day, and that I need to never do this again ever, or that lyric from my favorite Avett Brother’s song will come true all too quickly: “Will you still love me when all the sanity has gone from my eyes?”
If you actually read all that, wow. You are either a really good friend or maybe you need to get a life? I mean that in the nicest way possible (but really, if you read that you are already a good friend, so hey).