Step in to the Confessional

I’m pretty sure if I got Jeremy’s input he could suggest considerably more items to add to this list but in the meantime, enjoy.

  1. Last night I ate salmon cakes and slaw for dinner. Jeremy and I went on a date later and ended up at Waffle House.  I then ate a waffle, an order of hash browns, and two slices of bacon. No, I’m not pregnant.
  2. Sometimes when the kids are eating lunch and strapped into their chairs I go pee just so I can get a (literal) minute alone.
  3. Usually I take my iPod because 30 seconds of sitting alone necessitates some kind of social media.
  4. I’m not embarrassed that I just admitted any of that to you. #noshame
  5. Malachi has been on stellar behavior today and by “stellar” I mean “absolutely horrible.”  In the past four hours I’ve sent these texts to Jeremy.****
    • I might lock our son in the dog crate.
    • Maybe I’ll just leave him at pre-school.
    • I swear I am going to drop him off at the pound.

    .        ****OF COURSE I was kidding! Unbunch those britches. 

  6. As I was typing that Malachi climbed on top of me to cuddle and now I feel guilty.
  7. I throw away old leftovers when Jeremy isn’t home (because) and then I cover them up with something big in the trash can so he won’t see it there later and ask me about it.
  8. Malachi has grape juice all up in his hair and Naomi’s hair is spiked up on the side with banana mush and I’m still 99% sure they won’t be getting a bath until tomorrow, so I just wiped their heads off with a washcloth and called it good enough (it wasn’t).
  9. Yesterday I was so tired that I decided to sit down and read my magazine “just for 20 minutes” but then I was too tired to get up but had too much to do to take a nap without feeling guilty so I just kept laying there….for an hour and a half.
  10. Yesterday I played fetch with Naomi just so she’d stop throwing things in my lap for a couple minutes.
  11. I usually mop my floors on Wednesday so they will be clean for small group but it’s been snowing every Tuesday here (seriously) for a couple months and I don’t mop when it’s wet outside because it’s pointless so it’s been a really, really long time since I mopped.
  12. I still let the kids eat off the floor.
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7 Quick Takes – I’m not sure why they don’t give me an award for the quality of my writing on Fridays.

Linking with Jen, because I’m sure she’s missed me, my sarcasm, and my riveting hair-care soliloquies.

  1. One of the benefits of being a stay-at-home-mom is that as soon as your husband comes home you get to regale him with a 45-minute stream of super-detailed stories about your exciting day. Stories about closet organization, nap-time productivity, exactly how many people were in each check-out line at Kroger, how many coupons you used/left at home/got rejected by the checker, and how much better your hair is doing now that you switched conditioner. The other day I was excitedly telling the tale of my hair’s vast improvement since I switched to TreSemme Climate Protection and I was pleasantly surprised when Jeremy responded with, “Oh yeah, I saw that conditioner in the shower” instead of his usual, “Yeah… Wait what? Sorry….”
    Me: You were looking at my conditioner?
    Jeremy: Yeah, I was wondering what this weird global warming soap is all about.
    Me: Global warming soap?  You mean because it’s called climate protection?
    Jeremy: Yeah, I thought that was weird.
    Me: It’s called that because it protects your hair from the climate, not because it protects the climate from…your hair.
    Jeremy: Yeah, I figured that out after I looked at it.
    That was so much funnier when it happened than it seems now…. Ok.
    .
  2. Malachi is improving his pronoun usage slowly but surely, although he still refers to himself as “Mal-chi” most of the time instead of the generic “I.”  Mal-chi do it!  Mal-chi want orange juice!  Mal-chi go paaaaaark!  He’s still a little unclear on the whole personal pronoun thing and frequently says “My” instead of “I.”  My do it!  My eat snack!  MY feed doggie!  Which always reminds me of this:

    …so me-sa maybe start calling him Jar Jar. How wude!
    .
  3. I’ve always had really vivid, realistic dreams, especially when I am pregnant. But over the past couple years I’ve started dreaming in movie.  My dreams actually switch from one scene to the next, switch perspective, and have background music. Once I dreamed I was Amy in an episode of Big Bang Theory. Not only was the entire dream pretty funny but it also had laugh tracks in the background.  I’m a little concerned for my sanity at this point.
    .
  4. Jeremy and I finally watched Frozen last night and of course I loved it, just like the rest of the world.  (Unrelated spoiler alert: Why didn’t the troll just tell them the secret in the first place? Would that not have saved 15 or so years of familial heartbreak and malfunction and potential future therapy costs?  Anyway.)
    .
    Have you seen the guy that sang a cover of “Let it Go” in all these different Disney voices?

    The part with Scuttle absolutely cracked me up because I used to do that. Malachi was pretty freaked out by the whole thing until we got to Winnie the Pooh. Then he looked at the little picture and said, “Hi Innie Poo! Is so cute!”
    .
  5. Have you heard of Listia?  It’s like E-bay, but free. It’s mostly a colossal waste of time, but I am 600 Pampers Rewards Points away from getting Malachi a free Cozy Coupe and I can usually muster up enough Listia credits to win some Pampers points auctions and you don’t care. Anyway, I listed an auction mostly for the bonus points but the woman who won had a problem and so an e-mail conversation ensued. Basically I would write her a thorough, polite, grammatically correct e-mail offering several solutions plus an apology and she would respond with something along the lines of:
    “yeah it didnt work”
    I mean, seriously. Can you not throw in a “Thank you” or at least some gratuitous punctuation? Does this kind of thing bother anyone else? Answer: yes. (Language alert, FYI).
    Also, if you want to join Listia, please use my link – I will be forever grateful.  https://www.listia.com/signup/5477022
    .
  6. It snowed again last week and Malachi’s make-up day was cancelled, so now we are having a make-up make-up day and of course they are calling for snow next Tuesday as well. I was “re-re-re-re ‘cited” about his first-ever school pictures but they aren’t offering a snow date for that so I’m just gonna save myself from the agony of dashed hopes and just operate on the assumption that those will get canceled as well.  But maybe I’ll try and do some cute portraits on my own because, you know, my track record is THE BOMB.
    100_3051 DSCN4903 102_3914.
  7. The other day I went into the farmer’s market by myself and got a little confused and overexcited by the free samples at the cheese shop.  I ended up spending 20 dollars on cheese because it was so tasty when taken out of context and seasoned with “I’m here alone and I need to reign myself in!” Then when my sister and I pulled it out to eat together it honestly smelled like a hot, sizzling cow patty and tasted about the same.  I decided to return it because, seriously.  When I took it back the manager said, “This is how this cheese smells and tastes.  Did you not see on the wrapper?  It’s called ‘Barnyard Smell.’ I’ll refund it but if you don’t like it, don’t ever buy it.”  So I guess she was right and I am grateful she refunded my money even though she treated me like a 2-year-old the whole time and wouldn’t let me finish a sentence. But for real? They made it smell like cow poop on purpose?  WHY?!
    ??????????Bon appetit.

My best friend on my hip

When I was little there was a short span of time when the majority of my life was just my mom and me. I don’t have a lot of specific memories of that time, but I remember feeling happy and content. From the time I was very young until this very day I have considered my mom my best friend – truly my best friend in every sense of the word.

me and mom

I always wanted boys growing up – lots of boys. I think boys are easier, I play better with boys, I relate better to boys, their clothes are cuter, I had a lot of practice with my brothers, and I saw myself in Jo March. But despite all this little-boy-loving, I knew I wanted at least one girl, so we could be best friends.

I knew Naomi was a girl from the moment I found out I was pregnant, and before the ultrasound tech confirmed it I had already seen it on the screen. My pregnancy, like every pregnancy, was both painstakingly slow and surprisingly fast. Her due date was February 22 and on the 20th at 7:00 p.m. I started having very regular, mild, painless contractions and I went to bed early just in case. I woke up 10 hours later feeling immediate disappointment followed by an immediate painless contraction followed by immediate excitement. I sent my husband to work, straightened the house, spent extra time with Malachi, downloaded a contraction-tracking app, put my son down for a nap, mopped the floors, did some yoga, called the nurse to find out if I needed to go to the hospital for painless contractions that were only 2 minutes apart, felt like an idiot when I showed up wondering if I was in labor to find out I was 6 cm. dilated, and 2 hours later there was the most precious, most sweet baby girl you’ve ever seen.

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I was in shock at both how fast and how easy my labor was – and then I was in shock at how fast and how easy my second child was. Having a second child is so different from the first. Nursing came quickly and naturally. I recognized her different cries the first time I heard them. I watched a movie while still in the hospital with her because I didn’t have any problems and didn’t need the nurses. I laughed – laughed – when we drove away from the hospital with both our children crying buckets.

I also put her in the swing a lot, instead of carrying her around constantly. I had another child to tend to. I let her sleep in her crib instead of my arms so that I could play with her (very distraught) brother. I cuddled her and sang to her but we didn’t read as many stories or take as many pictures. I lived each moment because each was so precious and so fast – but I didn’t document as many of them. I was very content in this. Whereas Malachi’s first year felt like a series of highest highs and lowest lows, Naomi’s first year was steady, happy, and calm. Part of me hadn’t realized how very difficult it would be to get alone time with my new baby. She was happy, observant, cuddly, and sleepy. She was easy. I loved every minute with her, but those minutes flew by.

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Now there are times I’d like to play or read or go somewhere just the two of us, but it’s not always possible. Naomi doesn’t care – she sits on my hip and watches what I do. Follows her brother around from her perch in the Ergo on my chest. Follows me around clapping and bouncing from room to room. She’d rather play with my kitchen tools than toys, nap than go to story-time, and sit on my lap and look at iPod photos than read a book. She loves time with just Mommy but given the choice she almost always follows Malachi anyway. She tends to tag along with me on errands and follow me while I do grown-up things. It would be nice to have more “baby” time with her. But then I remembered that the friendship I developed with my mom was built on grocery-store trips, dinner prep, and me following her everywhere no matter how mundane it was. I would rather have helped her clean the bathroom than watch TV without her. We talk nonstop and have 4 conversations at once. We yell at each other and laugh 15 seconds later. We take one car when it’s inconvenient just so we can ride together.

Naomi loves to go with me to the grocery store. She follows me when I’m cleaning the house. She jabbers all the time and I jabber right back. We get on each others nerves and I think it’s hilarious. And even though I sometimes feel guilty when I throw her on my hip and bring her with me to the kitchen instead of going to her room with her to play, she always settles contentedly and smiles at me and I realize – this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

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Happy (belated) first birthday to my sweet baby doll. I love how adaptable and content you are. I love your silly giggle. I love how you scrunch up your nose and whine when you aren’t happy. I love the way you bounce up and down when Noddy comes on TV. I love your rolly-polly belly that pops out of your ever-creeping shirts. I love that you are still nursing. I love the way you say “Nigh-nigh” when you are tired. I love your head of hair. I love when you give me hugs. I love how you rush to the door when Daddy comes home. I love how you think it’s funny to suck on my finger. I love how you adore your brother. I love the way you sometimes yell for no reason. I love that you smile so big every time you sneeze. I love how you fake cough to get attention. I love the way you sleep. I love how tough you are. I love that you are a dare-devil. I love how much you eat. I love the way you grin when you put on hats. I just love you. And I always will.

102_4048Happy birthday.