A post so bad I can’t even think of a title.

I guess if you take my overly-serious “I-really-thought-this-blog-would-be-cooler-and-more-introspective” tagline at face value, nothing has been going on in my head the past three months. “Inner monologue of an avid thinker.” I don’t know, maybe I just ran out of time to think. That’s a real possibility. Let’s re-title it, “Occasional verbal vomit of an over-wired spaz – don’t get your hopes up.”

Do you ever get so busy and overwhelmed that when you suddenly have unexpected time to do kind of whatever you end up feeling bored and restless at the same time?  It’s almost like my mind is addicted to focusing on too many things at once and it no longer knows how to do just one thing at a time or, Heaven-forbid, nothing. I can’t remember when I last allowed myself to actually have “nothing” going on in my head. I blame my iPhone.

Believe it or not, I actually journal every day. It’s a prayer journal, not a diary, but truthfully I process everything better when I write it down. Even my prayers. Even my arguments (ask Jeremy). I take notes on things I know I wont forget because I won’t fully “hear” it until I read it. I once wrote a heart-wrenching letter to someone I loved and they called me on not having the guts to say it face-to-face, which was true. But I genuinely didn’t know what I wanted to say until I wrote it. I broke up with Jeremy when we were dating a decade ago through a letter that he read in my presence. Sometimes I think I’m a writer with no time to write.

Almost any time I have a profound thought or a challenging conversation the first thing I want to do is blog about it, and the second thing I want to do is analyze my motivation for blogging about it. Sometimes I get jealous of other people’s blogs. Sometimes I get inspired by them. I generally like my writing self better than my actual self and sometimes I stay up too late re-reading past posts and wake up feeling really tired and embarrassed and self-absorbed (probably because I am really tired and embarrassed and self-absorbed).

Want a list of things I’ve wanted to write about the past three months?

  • Vacation
  • Stuff that annoys me
  • Saying no to things you want
  • Anger and control
  • My sister’s wedding
  • The death penalty
  • Politics and Christianity
  • Funny stuff my kids say
  • Halloween
  • Malachi’s new shoes
  • A million other things that are looong gone.

And here I am writing about not writing. I’m sure you’re enthralled. Have some pictures.

ferris wheel KK beach wedding costumeselsa

Why do I keep punishing you with these?

From the time I set my breakfast down on the table this morning to the time I actually finished it, this is what happened:  Set breakfast on table, start feeding Naomi who is swallowing it faster than I can refill the spoon, argue with Malachi about eating more than 4 Cheerios for breakfast, feed Naomi some more, give Naomi some finger foods to try to buy a minute to wolf down some toast, take Malachi to the potty to pee, come back to the table and resituate Malachi, give Naomi another bite, take my first bite of now cold toast, get up and get Malachi’s fork off the floor, finish feeding Naomi, start feeding Malachi making “choo-choo” noises because it’s the only way he will eat, randomly stuff a bite in between Malachi’s bites, get up and lunge for Malachi’s dropped vitamin before the dog eats it  (I think she might have licked it a little but Malachi will never know), finish eating, get Naomi cleaned up and down from her chair, get Malachi cleaned up and down from his chair, take first sip of coffee, take vitamins.

All the while I was praying that the UPS man wouldn’t come first thing in the morning because I was not at all decent.

Lunch was slightly more organized – by the time I finished my leftovers they were no cooler than lukewarm so that’s something. Malachi let me know it was naptime by beginning to randomly kick and hit his sister. When I yelled at him for smacking her I looked over and realized she was cracking up and thought the whole thing was hilarious. I put Malachi down at 1:30 and then let Naomi crawl around in peace for a minute or 30. Then I looked up to see her crawl into her carseat from behind, wrangle her way all the way in, nearly slam her head on the ground rocking it, fart really loud, then somehow climb out without injuring herself.

I put Naomi down for her nap at 2:00 and sat down to read some e-mail when I heard Malachi’s door open and shut super fast. I marched in to discover him wide awake and beaming with the light on. When I sternly told him to go back to bed he responded with the requisite “See Daddy home!” which means “I want Daddy to come home so I can see him (because you are a horrible mother)!” – parenthesis mine.

Just another day in the Dillinger funhouse.